Today is a SUPER exciting day. Why? Because it marks the one-year anniversary of being engaged to my best friend on the planet, AND it’s his birthday! January 20th will always be a hella special day for us for both of those reasons, so I figured it would be only fitting to chat loooooove. By zero means am I a love expert or relationship guru or know the universal way to “find the one” and live happily ever after. But I do consider myself lucky enough to be in love with my own “one,” and I’ve seen plenty of friends and family experience the same thing. Coming Up Roses is here to be your best friend in a blog, so I’m here to play it straight and let you in on some secrets I’ve figured out through it all. Let’s have some girl talk! How to find “The One”.
Be completely, unabashedly, unashamedly yourself. Mind games and overthinking are *not* the way to find your soul mate. We’ve all been there…screenshotting messages to send to your girlfriends asking “WHAT DO I SAY?!?”, trying to plan and manipulate the situation so that you seem “cooler” or “sexier” or more spontaneous or more whatever! The problem there? You’re letting him fall in love with something that might not be the most authentic you. You could be setting yourself up for disappointment – and HIM for disappointment – because you’re not giving either of you the privilege and honor of getting to know the real you. As tough as it may be to open yourself up and get vulnerable with someone knowing that rejection may happen down the line, it’s the *only* way to really let love in. Wouldn’t you want your future husband to really get you? Isn’t that the point?
Don’t be on the hunt for a husband. If you believe in soul mates or fate, hunting for him is like trying to beat fate. Ladies, it also gets kinda stalker-y and men can pick up on it. See the last point for more on this. But how to find “the one” does not involve stalking, hunting, or being on the lady prowl. We don’t want men to think of us or look at us “as meat,” so we can’t go all lady lion on him, either.
Be real with yourself. This goes for how to find “the one”, but it also goes for how to get a better job, how to improve your friendships, how to…anything! The key is to have self-awareness and humility. When you can laugh at yourself and admit where you’ve got some room to improve, you’re setting yourself up for more happiness and success in every avenue of life. Fo’ realz!
Be okay with being single. Seriously. I swear it happens all the time…the second you become OK – REALLY OK – with being totally solo is the second that your someone special pops up. Because here’s the thing. The best relationships (and heck, the best lives!) are lived out when two whole people come together and complement each other, each making the wholes even better wholes. This whole “two halves make a whole” thing? I don’t buy it. Sure, that might work for some people…but when two people who each have a ton of development, growth, and change to go through (that extends beyond your typical, completely normal growth of daily life), you might risk falling in love with someone who won’t be the same person in a few months. Some can work that out, but if key aspects of your person aren’t solid, it could be tough grounds to form everlasting love.
Avoid the hook up mentality. Seriously again…this can be a toughie. Because we’ve got these things called hormones, and sometimes they’re out guns ablazin’. Girlfriend, no one can blame you when you’re out on a Friday night and see this ridiculously cute guy and you just want to kiss him so. badly. BUT, if you can’t mentally discern between kissing some cuties and finding your soul mate, or if hooking up with guys is in some way affecting your mindset about yourself and/or finding real love, then maybe it’s time to re-think your motives and priorities. Think about it this way: If you go to a frat party and hook up with a guy thinking he may want more…he’s at a frat party hooking up with a girl. Chances are slim that he’s at the party looking for his Mrs. The more likely story is he’s looking “for a good time” and you opted to be that good time. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. But if you’re stuck in a rut of things that aren’t pointing towards Mr. Right and feel like you’re ready to have him enter your life, check your lifestyle to see if how you’re currently rockin’ it is even an open door for Mr. Right to come through.
Don’t prematurely paint the picture. This is HUGE. Let’s get real. Do you have a checklist? You know what I mean girlfriend…do you have THAT checklist outlining your ideal mate? Like…”He needs to be between 5′ 10″ and 6′ 3″, be a baseball player, love to travel, he’ll have gorgeous brown hair and blue eyes, make a lot of money, want three kids”…sound familiar? When you paint a picture, you end up subconsciously searching for a Prince Charming to fit your imaginary idea of perfect love. The risk there lies in meeting your soul mate and not even giving him the light of day if his own unique traits don’t perfectly align with the picture you’ve painted in your head. Are you falling in that trap? Fall in love with him for who he is – not who you think you want him to be.
Like I said before, I absolutely do not have relationships down pat, nor is my own love perfect. My idea of how to find “the one” is probably different than the next gal’s. But I care about you. And I want to tell you anything and everything I’d tell my besties if they were over for wine and a chat. So pour yourself a glass o’ vino (or some coffee because let’s be real, #butfirstcoffee), and consider all o’ the above, then let me know…
Have you found “the one” yet?
Let me know in a comment below…it’s time for some girl talk! What are your thoughts on how to find “the one”?
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