ICYMI, J and I have been poppin’ the bubbly (quite literally) all week long, toasting champagne every single night. Why? I mean…it’s champagne. Does there need to be a reason? 😉 But really tho, we’re about to celebrate our four year anniversary of being together! Oh…and we’re getting married this weekend, so there’s that, too.
Besides the fact that it’s already so dang difficult to get anything productive done during wedding week, it’s also pretty dang difficult to think about anything other than love! I think out of every week in the year, the week before my wedding is a perfectly acceptable excuse to be a gaga, heart-eyed mushball amiright?? We’ve done quite a few relationship-oriented posts (+ collabs together!) on CUR through the years, but this one is especially special.
In the spirit of L-O-V-E, we’re joining forces for some loooooove stuff for y-o-u. We are most definitely not perfect by any means, but we embrace the imperfection and lovelovelove life together (as evident on Snapchat – follow me (@ erica_lig) for behind the scenes of our daily adventures!). Ironically, in all of our weirdness, I’ve gotten quite a few questions by now about our relationship and relationship schtuff in general. And something that *so* many people wonder at some point or another in their own relationships is…how the heck do you know if you’re ready to get married?!?!
So in the spirit of four years together + 3 days until “I Do,” here are 7 ways to know you’re ready to get married (because 4+3 = 7…#math).
- When your arguments shift from whether or not the relationship status should change to whether or not life circumstances should change to fit the relationship. You both want to end any tension ASAP to get back to the fun times, but you want to *actually* remedy things. You’re past pushing things under the rug, because your relationship is worth fighting for – but fighting for smartly, where you fight to find solutions that are mutually permissible.
- When you spend your Friday night in pajamas with wine and a movie and it could not be better, all because of the person next to you. Suddenly it doesn’t matter who sees you or what your Snapchat story shows or even what you’re doing at all. When you’re with your person, you could dress up in expensive gowns and tuxes for a fancy night on the town, or you could be in old sweats with hair that’s 92% dry shampoo – either way, you’re beautiful and he’s handsome and you’re full of love. When you experience the morning breath and winter colds and work stresses and daily anxieties and you still think the sun shines out the other person’s bum, you might very well be ready to get married. Or, you’re straight up delusional. Either way. 😉
- When you’re on the same page for the important stuff, ie: religious views, political stances, relationships with money and thoughts about kids. You don’t need to 100% agree, but you sure as heck need to be respectful of one another and have good, serious, educated conversations. If you see the world the same way but through different eyes, you might have more peace in your relationship when you’re equally as passionate about the same things and interests going forward and can equally show support.
- When you truly, completely, totally, really have zero desire to change the other person. Sure, there might always be this pet peeve or that leaves you wishing he’d FINALLY just pick his socks up off the floor dammit, but at the end of the day, you find his/her quirks endearing. You’re smitten by the reality of your person – not some imaginary picture you painted in your head of your dream dude and dream life. Waaaaay too often girls get all gaga about the *idea* of happily ever after and craft everything in their heads – down to their imaginary ideal wedding day – and then look for the guy to fit the imaginary image in their head. And how unfair is that to the poor schmuck that ends up coming along for ya?? Ladies, would you like it if your guy kept comparing you to some fictional superwoman in his head? Um, heck no. So give the dude a break and stop comparing him to the perfect happily ever after in your noggin! Love him for him (and vice versa).
- When his (or her) needs take precedence over your own. This does not mean you stop taking care of yourself for someone else’s sake – you still need self-care, chica! But it means that when it’s needed, you have no problemo stepping up to the plate and letting someone else come first. Quick test: The fire alarm goes off in the building, and you have 60 seconds to grab/do 3 things before dashing out. What do you look for first?? …if your person isn’t one of the things, check your priorities!
- When you have full independence in your own life and can totally make it on your own…but you’d just much rather make it with your person, because you couldn’t see life without him. If you’re going into a potential marriage feeling dependent in any way, shape, or form on someone else…no bueno. Whether that means you’re dependent on their opinion for validation of your self worth or dependent on their money lest you live on the streets, with dependence comes the risk of resentment down the road. Be fully, totally, wholly your own person before you’re opting to have two become one.
- When you’re both on the same page with future plans, including growing together. Growing together doesn’t mean growing literally right next to each other. In the rose garden of your relationship, one of you might blossom a little quicker than the other in one area, and vice versa in another. Growing together doesn’t mean growing identically – it just means growing complementary to one another. The second one of you grows professionally and advances to a new job – or heck, new career altogether – would the other be fully supportive and encouraging…or try to hold them back? Growing together means that it’s not your relationship vs. everything else in life, where y’all only work if everything else stays stagnant and constant. Growing together means that you’re in it to win it as one, fully accepting of the fact that the only constant in life may very well be your love for each other. Regardless of what growing pains come your way, you’ll stick it out and allow each other to fully develop and grow as you’re meant to be.
How did you know you were ready to get married?
For my married chicas in the house, I’d lovelovelove to hear your own tips and what you’d add to the list! How did you know you were ready to get married, and what advice would you pass on to soontobe newlyweds?? Drop a comment below to let me know! Plus a disclaimer for all…it can be different for everyone. NO two relationships are alike, the same way no two people are totally alike! So how you might’ve known (or how you might know in the future) can be a thousand degrees opposite from the next girl. And that’s okay. My own two cents comes from my own experiences and those of women (+ men) that I trust…so throw in your own two cents below!
P.P.S. My fabulous intern, Sarah, will be taking over CUR while I’m honeymooning next week! Brace yo’selves…she’s got some AWESOME goodies in the works for you guys!