Yup, that’s right folks. Grab your wine and brace yourself for the inevitable live Twitter commentary hilarity, because tonight marks the premiere of the 11th season of The Bachelorette, where 25 of “America’s most eligible bachelors” vie for the heart of – wait. Oh, that’s right. Tonight also marks the first time that two hearts are to be vied for with extravagant, awkward, and/or blatantly weird limousine entrances to the Bachelor Mansion.
As any lover of the ABC franchises knows, the irreverant, spunky Kaitlyn and beautiful-but-potentially-crazy Britt will be battling it out for the title of The Bachelorette, as the 25 incoming contestants meet the girls briefly and vote for which one is more likely their wife.
Yup.
Here’s all you need to know about tonight (and tomorrow).
- It’s a two-night premiere, meaning we’re left tonight with a cliffhanger (naturally), and first things first tomorrow…the actual Bachelorette for the season is announced.
- Kaitlyn and Britt will both meet all the men, and the men vote after that first night and first impression on which of the two they’d actually want the chance to “date” for the show. Awk awk awk.
- Kaitlyn and Britt did not like each other in the last season of The Bachelor. So there’s that. Nothing like “friendly competition” while trying to impress your potential future husband.
And the men. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a diehard fan of this stupid show, for no really good reasons other than sheer entertainment and Ashley & JP (have you seen their offspring??? Bless.). So, I’m never short of sass-filled quips on the show contestants (like that own time that a “pantsapreneur” was considered an occupation…). Here are my own first impressions of a few of these “eligible bachelors,” based on some snooping around I did on abc.com.
1. Brady
Fears “explosive diarrhea.” Hopefully that fear comes to realization few and far dates in between. But he’s a singer-songwriter from Nashville with major passion and ambitions, so bets that he’ll serenade the girls??
2. Bradley
“Wolf of Wall Street” is his favorite movie, and he wants to play an NFL game in Tom Brady’s shoes and go home to Gisele someday. So in other words, his morals might not be en pointe and he’s likely got deflated balls.
3. Chris
His biggest date fear is the girl trying to eat his food, so hands down he’s gotta go. #byeboy
4. Corey
Corey is an investment banker in the Big Apple who calls the Dalai Lama an “enlightened cat.” Britt might not have been up for farm life, but investment banker life?
5. Daniel
Daniel is a fashion designer who would trade places with the Prince of Monaco if he could since he’s “a baller,” which means this guy is pretty exotic. I’d pair him with Britt, but he doesn’t like dishonesty or manipulation, so there’s a big fat question mark on that one…
6. Ian
Dude seems like a winner. He loves girls who hold conversations, thinks marriage is about vulnerability, openness and honesty, admires Richard Branson’s general baddassery. and builds things for a more personal, romantic twist on gifting. He’s an LA boy, so he and Britt probably have a solid shot.
7. JJ
This guy is probably going to have the *best* stories to tell. This JJ’s occupation is “former investment banker,” meaning he probably made it big and is now just chilling out in Denver with his $$$ and the $20,000 he won betting on college football. That’s probably more lucrative than last season’s “pantsapreneur” JJ, since we’re still trying to figure out if there’s a college major for that.
8. Josh
A law school graduate turned exotic dancer. I’m guessing he won’t be practicing at least one of the two anytime soon.
9. Joshua
This kid’s biggest fear on a date is his mom walking in holding a Kleenex to his nose and ordering him to blow. A+ for creativity. He’s summitted Mount Kiilimanjaro in Africa. A+ for adventure and perseverance. He thinks marriage is finding that one that God has tailor-made just for you, and he’d grab lunch with Tom Hanks to get lessons on humility with success. A+ for life.
10. Kupah
The dude quotes marriage as being “FOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEEVEEEEEEEER.” Obvs a keeper.
11. Tony
Occupation: “Healer.” I have a feeling this could go a few ways here…
12. Cory
His biggest date fear is finding out his date’s really a dude. You and me both, bro. He likes when his date isn’t uptight and is just up for anything, so I’m thinking he and Kaitlyn will hit it off well!
13. Shawn E
Undoubtedly, this season’s creepazoid. An “Amateur Sex Coach,” Shawn “will not be a statistic!” and doesn’t know how to properly use commas, as indicated by his Bachelorette Season 11 cast profile on abc.com. He calls himself Superman and says his ideal date involves “embracing and loving until sunrise.” Is that where the coaching comes in or…?
Now I can’t play favorites yet, since those in-person first impressions work wonders. But, I’m thinkin’ from this bunch, Joshua and Ian have some major potential. And Shawn E has the potential to be voted First Night Trainwreck.
Who do you think will come out on top tonight? And who will it be…Britt or Kaitlyn?
Be sure to stop by Twitter tonight from 9-11 to chat together live on everything that goes down! Bring your glass and your sass…it’s Bachelorette time.
