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OK, this is unexpected.
Coming Up Roses currently comin’ atcha from the Maternal Fetal Medicine ward of the hospital.
*STRIKE THAT* – I’m now comin’ atcha a solid 12+ hours later, from the actual hospital, where I’ll be overnight at least. Oh, how things progress…carry on. 😉
Not exactly the place ya wanna be on a Friday, but God’s a funny dude and HERE WE ARE, FOLKS. A few disclaimers before diving into this. A.) I’ve been a bit of a hot mess lately. A hot, emotional, trainwreck-ahead sorta mess. Writing helps me process emotions, so I figured it was high time that I do just that. B.) I’m v new to this whole having-a-baby sorta thing. I’ve felt odd sharing details about pregnancy/babies/etc sometimes so far, justbecause I don’t want those of you who don’t give a hoot to feel isolated or bored as readers (altho I don’t think that would be the case, since y’all are awesome, kind, boss, understanding kinda women), but also because SO MANY of my best friends have experienced struggles with fertility or babies in their lives already. And TBH, it just feels WEIRD sharing anything less-than-positive, because I’m just so dang grateful that I even AM pregnant; there’s a part of me that just feels like even the not-so-good news is still good news if it still results in a healthy, happy baby at the finish line.
All that to say, a few more serious updates ahead.
Apparently, I might very well have a baby here before my December due date.
Literally this morning, was given a steroid shot “in case we have to deliver within the week.”
Backing up for a hot sec before diving further in.
Things have been quieter than usual around here as of late – for a whole buncha reasons. But the two biggies:
1.) BossPitch is brand spankin’ new! Rather, all of the meaty insides are the same – but there’s a brand new look + a few brand new additions/bonuses that just launched, which has taken up SO MUCH of my time behind-the-scenes (and explains why I’ve been pulling 16-hour workdays at 30+ weeks pregnant…ha!). And I am SO proud of it, and I know it will do SO MUCH GOOD for all of the BossPitches taking the leap with it, so there’s that. I taught a free masterclass this week to kickoff launch, which was a blast – for any blogger babes who missed out, due to popular request, I made the replay available for watching because I GOTCHU. You can grab that here, if you’re into it. 😉 The bubs must’ve heard mama’s talk about “launch” lately and prepared for launch…literally. HA.
2.) My pregnancy took a bit of an unexpected twist, so I figured now is a good time to share a little bit about that, as well.
Totally random, but shoutout to my white teeth c/o Crest ILYSM
SO NOW, FULL STORYTIME.
Like I said – throughout the course of everything so far, I’ve felt super #blessed – heck, being pregnant pointblankperiod is a huge blessing, and of that I’m totally aware. And then to have had a relatively “easy” pregnancy for the first two trimesters was like icing on the cake.
Once third trimester hit, things started picking up a bit, in that my hip pain worsened (which is one of the few consistent thorns in my side – or rather, in my hip – ha!), and I started getting migraines reminiscent of my middle-school days – which ain’t no walk in the pumpkin patch, since they come with a visual aura that wrecks your field of vision + a crippling headache until it so chooses to go away.
But all of those sorta physical “symptoms” are totally fine, doable, and honestly NOT a big deal in the slightest in the grand scheme of things – I can take it.
Earlier this week, we had growth ultrasound scheduled per my OBGYN’s request. From our last regular little heartbeat check-in, the doc was a *tad* bit concerned since I just look “small” for being as pregnant as I am. (And for any non-preggers peeps in da house, you actually only have two – three TOPS – ultrasounds throughout pregnancy: around 8-10 weeks to confirm it, 20 weeks, and then MAYBE one closer to the very end if need be…that’s it).
We went back to see our good friend Karen (and good news: Baby G is still a girl 😉 ).
The bad news: from our first time with Karen, we knew that if Karen’s got some bad news, she grabs a doctor to deliver it. J had jokingly asked her that the first time around out of curiosity – and she had said, “If it’s bad, I say, “I’m going to have to get the doctor to read this for you…”
And sure enough…
“I’m going to have to get the doctor to read this for you…”
She left the room and we just looked at each other with a little bit of panic.
She came back sending us to a waiting room so she could find the doc. After what felt like an eternity of having no clue what was going on, she came back with a sealed envelope with the doctor’s name on it.
“I’m sending you to the hospital right now – the doctor is on call there, and he wants to see you immediately for fetal monitoring.”
I couldn’t tell if I heard nothing because of it being 8 am on a Monday morning, or if this was what shock felt like, but all I heard was the blah blah blah blah blah of the Peanuts teacher and off we went, wandering around the hospital like lost puppies until someone got us to the right ward.
She’s measuring “small.”
While everything looked A-OK (heck, everything looked GREAT) thus far, her abdomen measured smaller in the growth ultrasound, indicating a potential issue with my placenta. Of course, that freaked me the freak out and my overanalytical, overthinking wheels starting spinning overtime – did I do something wrong? Is this my fault??? Am I already a terrible mother?!? The doc said that while 50% of placental issues could be explained by high blood pressure, diabetes, drug use (none of which I have/partake in), the other 50% is unexplained and likely just something that was in motion from time of conception.
Today, placenta looks decent…but her heartbeat has dipped a few times since I’ve been hooked up to a monitor since 8 am this morning. And the concern there is oxygen flow. While her blood flows across the board looked *great* on the advanced ultrasound this afternoon (which is good! Praise Jesus!), if/when they dip, it’s cause for “concern” for the docs. That’s been probably the hardest thing to mentally grapple with while we’re here, because like Russian Roulette with life right now.
Now, I’m hooked up to a machine for fetal monitoring twice a week, getting amniotic fluid checked weekly as well, and getting more regular ultrasounds with some additional screening to make sure she continues growing “normally” and doesn’t become deficient of any important nutrients if my placenta continues to be uncooperative.
Much of this they SAY is precautionary, since we caught a potential something. It could be nothing, and she could keep going to full term and come out juuuuuust fine. But it could be something – a big something – that requires early delivery and more intensive neonatal care.
We were told that if/when something looks odd on any of these twice-a-week tests, it could mean needing to go into labor, like…right then.
I’M SORRY WHAT.
So here we are.
This morning was supposed to be a 45-minute test at 8 am, followed by time home before coming back for a 2 pm ultrasound. Instead…it’s nearly noon, I’m still at the hospital, and IF her heartbeat dips again today, I’d be rushed upstairs for an emergency C-section. Nothing like kicking off the weekend with a bang, amiright? HA.
**STRIKE THAT AGAIN** Editing Erica is on the ball at 9:41 pm, and will be here overnight to keep an eye on the heartbeat. I’ve gotten a steroid shot in my ass to help her lungs develop IN CASE they have to deliver within the week (sweet Lord baby Jesus), I get another one tomorrow (hoping they do the other cheek this time ’cause OUCH…), and I’ve already heard one chick screaming bloody murder on the floor, apparently delivering au naturale. To which I said, SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL SOME DRUGS, because girlfriend sounded like what was coming out of her was either a.) a reaaaaaally big baby, or b.) the devil.
Dude…#RealTalk…I am so not ready for this. I am so not ready. It’s really just taking every prayer + ounce of effort to NOT think about what reality is like if I have my child, like, TOMORROW. Because we go through planning – or attempting to plan – for these things, and then life happens and BUH BAM, you’re hooked to a monitor, maybe not going home for an actual month, until you have a baby that may or may not come at any given moment. I didn’t feel “ready” to be a parent the way it was, really, in the sense that I can’t keep a plant alive for more than two weeks (although kudos to me for being an A+ cat mom, I will say).
But do we ever feel “ready” in those moments?
Hoping + praying that all of the amazingly sweet, kind, thoughtful texts, calls, FaceTimes, messages, emails, DM’s + then some that I’ve gotten over the course of today is indication that whatever’s ahead, at LEAST this girl has got a whole friggin’ TRIBE of prayer warriors sending all the good vibes. And hopefully she got the gist in there and knows to keep it together INSIDE mama until things are a bit safer on the outside.
WHAT I DON’T KNOW:
- When I’ll be having a baby. Maybe December, maybe next week. ANYTHING GOES, FOLKS.
- Why it happened/is happening. And neither do the docs. Which is always fun, but that’s medicine sometimes and here we are.
- How to change a diaper. Or a tire. But I’m sure I’ll be figuring one of those two out ASAP. 😉
WHAT I DO KNOW:
- God is good.
- Our daughter is going to be a FEISTY CHICA. I mean, she’s our daughter, so this ain’t new news, folks. But Little Miss is already exercising her creative control in our household with this whole I DO WHAT I WANT sorta ‘tude.
- I myself was *also* almost an emergency C-section baby because of heartbeat dropping in the delivery room. #LikeMotherLikeDaughter, I guess? But girlfriend’s also clearly like me in that she’s impatient AF and ready to just do the damn thing…so if she could wait a hot sec – and by a hot sec, I mean a solid 5 more weeks at least – that would be nice. Thankyoukindly. 🙂
- I am blessed. We are blessed.
- This is definitely the most absurdly insane, ridiculous, scary, unplannable, unexplainable thing of life thus far. Welcome to parenthood, I guess?
- God is still good.
Sharing a FEW of the regular ol’ Bumpdate updates…
HOW FAR ALONG: 32 weeks yesterday!
BABY SIZE: 3 pounds
CRAVINGS: More sweet than anything.
MOVEMENT: V active, but the whole heartbeat dropping-thing is of concern, so everything is just being tracked on high alert.
WHAT I’M WEARING: A reaaaaaally chic hospital gown. I think it’s Prada? 😉 Beyond that, I just got new maternity jeans that are my faves so far (and I’d say 100% worth it), and I’m still rockin’ the Zella Mamasana leggings like they’re going outta style.
SICKNESS: Just my typical “uncomfortable” symptoms thus far…hip pain still (which just feels like life now? Ha!), migraines, some eczema on my hands/feet which is new, and that’s it.
WEIGHT GAIN: About 29 pounds.
WHAT WE’VE PURCHASED: Apparently not enough yet? ALSO HA. (I honestly have to laugh at just how CRAZY this all feels, and I have to laugh so that I don’t straight up panic.) There are so many things we still have to grab, namely because we thought we had two solid months left. At this point, I’m thinking I have to grab a few more newborn-sized things; everyone always tells ya to lean more towards the 3 monther clothes, since babies born at full term might not even FIT newborn sizing, or jump straight to the 3+ month sizing. But…we’ve got a peanut on our hands, apparently. So, petite sizing it is. 😉
I think that’s all for now…thankyou thankyou thankyou again to every single person who has reached out for an update or kind words or support or WHATEVER. It’s all so, so appreciate. And honestly is the only thing keeping me sane + the LEAST bit chill right about now.
So, thanks. 😉
And prayers…always welcome. ALWAYS.