FOUR YEARS

Whoaaaa, baby – what a week. It started off with a truly delightful little press trip with my friends at ShopRite to a quaint inn in the Hudson Valley. Then yesterday, Olivia had her eye surgery – and it just so happened to also be J’s and my four year wedding anniversary. Perfect timing, right? HA.

So, cheers to four years married, eight years together, and forever to go!

They always say “marry your best friend.”

YES, do that. Do exactly that. But what does that really mean? What does that look like in real life?

I wanted to pen some quick thoughts for the girl mulling over her man, trying to figure out if he’s “the one.” Maybe you knew one your first date that this was it, or maybe it’s been a few months (or years?) and you’re unsure or afraid to commit for one reason or another. Especially with the dating scene having taken a total 180 and then some thanks to a global pandemic, 2020 has not been the most conducive for finding new love. That, and it’s been an incubator for existent relationships, with so many couples calling it quits after being holed up together 24/7 in quarantine.

I’m definitely no expert and we’re definitely not perfect (by ANY means – HA!), but I like to think we’ve got something figured out now since we’ve been through a fair share of ISH together and are still stronger on the other side. We’ve had our fair share of battles + hardships like many (most) couples do, from death to addiction to life being turned unexpectedly upside down (hello, NICU and a global pandemic). Scary things, sad things, good things, bad things – the whole nine yards and then some.

And I think that’s kinda the key in marrying your “best friend” – they’re the one standing by your side as your partner and co-captain through ALL THE THINGS. Not just the pretty things or the happy things, but the things left unsaid while sobbing on the bathroom floor.

Marry the one who can see you in an old toothpaste-stained t-shirt from college, with no makeup, fourth day hair and a bad attitude, who still thinks you’re beautiful inside and out.
Marry the one whose presence gives you comfort on bad days, with no pressure to do, but permission to just be.
Marry the one who you can sit with in silence with no expectation to fill it.
Marry the one that handles bad news well. Or rather, the one who balances the scale of how YOU handle bad news. Are you an overreactor who freaks the freak out at first word of something bad? Marry the more chill pragmatist who calms your storm. Are you the perpetual optimist who doesn’t always get the severity of a situation until it’s sunken in a bit too deep? Marry the grounded one who thinks on his feet and acts fast without jeopardizing the peace in the meantime.
Marry the one who thinks the sun shines out your butt, but isn’t afraid to call you out on your crap. Because we’ve all got that.
Marry the one who says sorry and means it.
Marry the one who’s always down for an adventure – whatever that means to you. Maybe your adventure is hiking a mountain – maybe it’s trying a new place for takeout next Friday night. Be synced on what thrills you, big or small.
Marry the one who embraces growth and change. Because Lord knows you won’t be the same person at 65 that you were on your wedding day at 25.
Marry the one who takes one for the team to do what you hate most, just because he knows it’s your least favorite thing in the world. (Couldn’t tell ya the last time I did the dishes. Thank J, you da best).
Marry the one who fights well with you. (And don’t get married until you’ve had a big fight, because those will happen, too). If you both shut down and choose stubborn silence, how will you reconcile? If being yelled at is really triggering for you and your partner has a hot-headed temper, will that destroy your communication? Handling disagreements is ALWAYS a work in progress that both sides need to actively tackle (in my humble opinion), so at least being well aware of his style + tactics is KEY to not being blindsided in the heat of a battle.
Marry the one who makes you laugh. Sometimes life sucks and laughing makes you feel better.
Marry the one who’s on the same page with your “big stuff.” If you care about it big time, could you be with someone long time who didn’t think it was important? Whether that’s your view on politics or religion or your view on the Housewives of Beverly Hills, be real with your non-negotiables so they don’t become “unreconcilable differences.”
Marry the one who respects you, honors you, and appreciates you, even on days when you don’t respect, honor, or appreciate yourself.
Marry the one who encourages you to become better, but always acknowledges that you are enough.
Marry the one you will still CHOOSE to love on the days when they’re hard to love. And, the one who chooses to love YOU on the days when YOU’RE hard to love. Because we’re all hard to love sometimes.