Let me kick this off by saying my schedule has been SO DANG WONKY lately between work/travel…honestly, I’m starting to really feel it. I debated doing just a quick “life lately” sorta update post for y’all, but is that something you’d WANT to see?? In my reader survey there was an overwhelming response for wanting more “personal” stuff, so if ya want those nosy peeks into my life, let me know in a comment below. 😉 Instead, in the spirit of post-Valentine’s bliss, we’re chatting looooooove – cos it’s been a hot sec since l-o-v-e showed up around these rosy parts! Wedding updates don’t count. 😉 We’ve talked about what to do when you think you might’ve found “The One” a long time ago, and I’m sure you could surmise a few things about J and I if you’ve been hanging out here for awhile and/or follow our household shenanigans on Snapchat (erica_lig). But I know this is something I lovelovelove to hear from other people (#nosy #guilty), so if you’re anything like me, you’re a total sucker for this hopeless romantic sorta schtuff. We always hear people say, “Oh, hes the one!” Alternatively, the Big Q: “How did you know hes the one?” SO.
How I knew J was the one for me.
HOW TO KNOW HES THE ONE
First off, typing that out just took me back through nearly 5 years of memories and moments. What a whirlwind. It is utterly impossible to sum up all the ways in ~1,000 words, and I’m gonna try *really* hard to not go all Hallmark card on ya, but Lordy, I got a good one and I’m gonna get sappy. Brace yo’self. 😉
- I had that instant attraction/spark. I’m lowkey obsessed with my hubby’s smile, and I was so stinking drawn to it instantly upon meeting him. Something about it resonates with my soul, I kid you not.
- We instantly clicked. Instant connection with unspoken chemistry. All of our first few interactions made me feel like we had this shared little secret that nobody else knew, just from how our eyes would meet. ‘Twas fun.
- Conversation was eeeeeaaaaaaasy. We really could talk about anything and everything. And it never felt forced. We’d just hop from one thing to the next.
- I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.
- He seemed genuinely interested in learning about me, my past, my future desires and goals – the whole nine yards.
- We could talk for hours. And hours and hours and hours. And it was never superficial. We both were super upfront about our “no mind games” mentalities in dating – we both just weren’t interested in something built on insecurities or exaggerations of truth, or what society says something “should” be.
- Our conversation genuinely excited me. It wasn’t superficial. It was meaningful right from the getgo. We were able to go from being playful and flirty straight into a debate on an important issue in the world, and hop to our favorite desserts or family life.
- He wore cologne. That’s a biggy for me. 😉
- We liked a lot of the same music. For two people who lovelovelove music…that’s also a biggy.
- It felt like we equally wanted to see each other. There wasn’t a sense that one of us was more into the other, or that one cared more.
After dating for awhile…
- He was super open to meeting my family and spending time with them.
- I realized he really genuinely wholeheartedly seriously cared about my dreams/ambitions/goals. He really cared about hearing what I wanted to do in life.
- He’s a cat person, too.
- I could see our lifestyles meshing up quite nicely. I’d see how he kept his space or how he handled things, and it totally vibed with me.
- We talked about faith, finances, views on anything and everything meaningful in life, and we were on the same page with nearly everything. Not at first, I might add…but we got there. That was a biggie for both of us. All the “big stuff” has to align, since the big stuff is the important stuff when you’re #adulting.
- He took care of me when I was sick. As in, he almost got the cops called on him for refusing to leave the ladies’ room at a Subway in the doctor’s office building because I was lying on the floor puking my guts out. Security was freaking out at him, and he just stood his ground and refused to leave my side. We must’ve been dating for, like, 4-5 months at that point, too.
- His personality perfectly complemented mine. We’re both super social and outgoing and theatrical people, so we can sing and dance and be goofy and have fun together and it’s just natural.
- He just “got” me. I had dated guys in the past that were a bit taken aback by my enthusiasm – I can get really excited about things – and J was never like that. He saw my passion and zest for life as nothing but a good thing.
After dating for a *looooooong* while…
- He’d go above and beyond with my family, wanting to spend money on nice gifts for them and once in a lifetime experiences. Their happiness made him happy.
- Beyond caring what what I want to do in life, he wanted to be a part of that. He wanted to see how he could fit into my own plans without requiring a lot of compromise. We both wanted that – to be able to fully support and enhance the others’ aspirations.
- He knows every single thing about me and loves me even more because of it. That’s rare in life.
- Our lifestyles 100% meshed. He likes to cook and I like to eat. 😉
- He’d pick my hair out of the drain AND NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Or he’d just chase me around the apartment with it. But either way, #champ.
- I could run around in sweats, a facemask, and 4-day-old hair and he’ll still wanna kiss me.
- I had no desire to change him on a fundamental level. (and vice versa)
- There was always an effort (mutually) to improve and develop and evolve, independently AND together. It was never a “let’s see where we each are now, and then we’ll just do our own thing and see if it works out” kinda attitude. He wasn’t afraid to grow in directions where I needed him to, and I the same with/for him.
Ladies, if you felt yourself nodding up and down for any of the above going MY GUY DOES THAT, TOO!…I’m jusssssayin’…;) Of course, our relationship is anything but perfect; we’ve had fights – we’ve had big fights! But like relationships, LIFE is anything but perfect. Bad, sad, mad, and glad things all happen. We aren’t pre-programmed knowing how to or how we circumstantially will react to anything necessarily, so of course, this is where the ol’ “hindsight is 20/20” comes into play. At the end of the day, I think it’s really about your mutual choice to put each other first, and to wake up every day choosing to intentionally love and serve the other person. If you’re both doing that, you’re both always taken care of, AND you’re living with someone else’s happiness ahead of your own. I’m still working on this (and will be until I die), and it’s friggin’ hard
sometimes lots of times, but I think “the one” is the one you aren’t afraid of doing that for. It’s the one that you’re actually willing to do that for. The one you find yourself wanting to be personally inconvenience for, so that they have a happier day.
I 100% believe that love is a choice, in that you have to wake up every single day choosing to make Love a verb. I heard this stellar quote the other day from Joyce Meyers (she’s bombdotcom):
“We often think of love as a thing, but word love is also a verb. Love must do something in order to remain what it is.”
I don’t think there’s ever a good relationship where it’s work-free. Love takes work. LIFE takes work. Knowing “oh, he’s the one!” doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to be the easiest, prettiest relationship under the sun – it just means it’s going to be worth it.
For my married chicas, how did you know hes the one?
And if you’re not married…do you think you’ve found him in your SO? All my single ladies, what does your “one” look like, in your opinion? Even if you haven’t met him yet! I would lovelovelove to chat loooooove in the comments below. What about your person makes them your person? And how/when did you first know it???? How did you know he’s the one? Sound off below!
And now, this week I’m teaming up with some great girls to bring you an *awesome* giveaway. Really tho, can I win? 😉 It’s for a Gucci GG Marmont Matelassé Mini Bag!
The giveaway is open internationally. The more “tasks” you complete below, the more entries you will receive, increasing your chances of winning.