When you Google “how to be more confident,” you’re instantly met with over 220,000,000 search results. We all deal with confidence issues at some point or another in our lives…I’d bet that most of us deal with swinging confidence on the reg. We all also experience imposter syndrome – that “oh my god I have no idea what I’m doing am I even qualified for this?!?” feeling that comes when we feel like we’re in over our heads, unable to swim to surface. But it’s oh so important to be able to slow down any confidence flux and remain grounded in your own awesome, whether you’re in the workplace, with friends, or just in front of the mirror on a random Tuesday morning. Here are 14 steps to a more confident you!
Dress the part. First and foremost, you’ve GOTTA dress to impress (yourself). You know the saying “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”? It became a thing for a reason – because your attitude can be directly impacted by the frocks you’re rockin’. It doesn’t mean you should live materialistically or put your self worth on your image by any means – it just means that you have some *power* over how you feel based on how you outwardly express yourself. You already know this – when you’re sporting the yoga pants, sweatshirt and top knot look, chances are you’re not feeling like Kate Middleton. You might feel kinda schlumpy, lazier, and not want anyone but the pizzaman to see you. Totally okay to have those days + nights, but not okay if it’s negatively affecting your self-esteem. Dressing how you want to feel or be addressed has been scientifically proven to impact confidence levels, so whether it’s a full-on business suit, workout gear, or a gown + 5-inch heels, dress the part!
Get moving. Endorphins are your new best friend, Miss Confident! Exercise is a natural way to combat anxiety and depression while building confidence. It creates changes in your brand that stimulate neural growth, reduce inflammation, and promote feelings of calm and well-being. It relieves stress and tension, boosts mental and physical energy, ups your dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin levels (good natural chemicals that enhance your focus and attention), helps you sleep better and remember more…AND it shapes and tones your muscles and body. BRB, going on a run.
Do good. If you’re a giver, you’re bound to feel better and more fulfilled after doing a good deed or giving a helping hand. Doing good uplifts your spirit and gives you a lil’ confidence boost in the process, so get to being the good person that you are!
Fake it til you make it. Those people who always seem like they have their sh*t together? They don’t feel like they do – or at least, not all the time! Oftentimes, feeling confident is as much convincing yourself that you are, so cut negative self-talk and remember that no one feels like they have it together all the time – we’re all on this constant journey figuring it out as we go!
Expect success. Your mind is really a powerful tool. When you doubt yourself and question everything you do and are, you’re triggering that lack of self-confidence. And if you’re not careful, your thoughts just keep perpetuating it! EXPECT success. When your mindset is positive, realistically optimistic and authentically joyful, you’re bound to set yourself up for more success. The key to more success is to EXPECT more success and then work towards it, truly believing that you can and will achieve. I think DJ Khaled would approve of that, too. 😉
Fail forward. We’ve talked here before allllll about failing forward and why it’s so important, but it’s got an important link to your confidence. I saw this quote the other day that sums it up perfectly:
We’re bound to experience shortcomings in life – nobody’s perfect, and we all make mistakes. But the key to not letting mistakes destroy your self-esteem is how you respond to them. Failing in and of itself doesn’t have the power to harm us. If anything, Thomas Edison failing 10,000 times before the lightbulb teaches the benefit of failing time and time again – so long as we don’t give up. If Thomas Edison had felt bad about himself after fail #5,238, he might have given up, labeled himself “a failure,” and stopped, deeming his efforts worthless and futile. But then we wouldn’t have light bulbs. Just because you fail once (or heck, 8,000 times) at something doesn’t mean you’re destined for failure, that you don’t deserve goodness, or that you’re incapable of achieving. You’ll feel more confident about yourself if you view shortcomings as learning opportunities and just hop right back up on your prettily pedicured feet to go at it again.
Straighten up. Your body language works wonders on your own confidence levels, and it helps communicate your confidence to others, too! Try walking around with your head held high and great posture. Even if you’re just walking between your couch and the fridge, chances are you’ll start to feel better. When you’re with others, making eye contact and carrying yourself with grace goes a hella long way (and if you need an *extra* boost, heels do the trick for me!).
Know your strengths and weaknesses. We all want to measure up and feel like we’re doin’ okay in the grand scheme of things. While comparing yourself to others isn’t the answer to feeling more confident (and shouldn’t be, since it’ll never leave you totally fulfilled), knowing your own strengths and weaknesses will help you be honest with yourself and others. Owning your strong suits means you can be confident knowing you’ve got a lot to offer in one department or another. Owning your shortcomings means you can be confident knowing you’ve got a lot to learn, which keeps you humble and thirsty for more knowledge and skills – a healthy way to live life if ya ask me!
Take small steps – towards big goals. You’re bound to feel better when you can step back and recognize the steps you’re taking to reach your goals, no matter how small the steps may seem! Start seeing small steps as micro-accomplishments all leading up to the big successes you’re working towards in the future. Big goals take time, so being able to cheer yourself on and feel good through all of the steps along the way sets you up to feel better and confident throughout the process.
Get out of your comfort zone. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Take risks. You only live once – it’s not cliche, it’s true! As hard as it may be at times, think of how AMAZING it feels to push yourself and do something your old self never thought you’d have the ladyballs to do. It’s pretty friggin’ amazing. I heard someone say once that “easy and safe doesn’t mean *happy*.” It’s so true – we can do what’s comfortable and easy for us, a safe bet, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to end up being happier or more satisfied. And you know what? It takes CONFIDENCE to know that if you go outsize your comfort zone and things don’t go too well, you’ll still be A-OK, you’ll still be learning, and you’ll still have tomorrow to try again.
Focus on others. When you put your attention on lifting others up, you don’t have time to focus on your own worries and stresses. Focus on making others’ lives easier, happier, and better – your own will directly reflect that in response. And you’re bound to feel more confident when you’re genuinely caring about others, because that just makes you a good person! First and foremost, though, before you can love others, you’ve gotta love yourself. Being comfortable and confident in your own skin means it’s that much easier to compliment and support others without adding in comparison, jealousy, or any other toxic emotion. Love yourself, then outpour love onto others!
Know thy self, know thy worth. Know what you deserve. This goes back to expecting success – know your worth, girlfriend! NO ONE else can define you – so why do you worry about what others think? Know thy self, know thy worth, and don’t let anyone else tell you what you “can” or “should” earn, think, or do. You are worthy of greatness – dig deep, really believe it, and ignore anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
Nix negative self-talk. We are our own worst enemies waaaaaay too often. Half the time, your confidence plummets because of the lies you’re telling yourself! “You’re not pretty enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not skinny enough.” It’s all BS anyways. Vow to STOP talking down to yourself right here, right now. I promise you, you’ll feel more confident the second you get out of your own damn head!
Get grateful. People who practice regular gratitude are scientifically proven to be happier in everyday life. At the start of every day, write down something you’re grateful for, and take it a step further by expecting success and writing down something you’re grateful for that hasn’t even happened yet that day – but that you’re about to make happen, because you’re a #boss. At the end of the day before your head hits the pillow, write down three more things you’re grateful for from that day – anything from a big win at work, to a stranger holding the door open or a great cuppa coffee. It’s not just the big things – it’s the little things that make a real difference, so appreciate them!
It might not feel like it at times, but you can be in control of your confidence. I hope these 14 steps to a more confident you are genuinely helpful and inspiring for your week ahead. You know how to be confident – you’ve just gotta rock it!
What helps you be more confident when you’re just not feelin’ it?
I’d love to hear your own tricks and tips…leave a comment to let everyone know. And then go enter to win a MacBook + Kate Spade goodies just because #Monday. 😉