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A quick Google search for “how to be more a outgoing person” brings up a casual 6,440,000 results. So if you’ve been wishing + wanting to up your outgoing factor…clearly you’re not alone. 😉 A request that popped up actually a *few* times in the last CUR reader survey was for tips on being “more outgoing/gregarious.” First off, the fact that y’all used the word “gregarious” on my survey just about made my heart skip a beat. And second, I’m *honored* that you think I’m an outgoing person to offer advice on the subject – ha!
I always used to think of myself as an extrovert. Lately, I’ve actually not been so sure of that. An introvert needs solitude to recharge, while an extrovert relies on being back with others – I’m definitely the former. But I think I’m a mix of the two – fondly dubbed, an “ambivert” by le internet. 😉
BUT, whether or not you’re an outgoing person doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with your internal ‘vertedness! I fully believe that you can be the social butterfly and still need your alone time to come back to center. #balance
Regardless of extroverted/introverted tendencies, I’m definitely an outgoing person once I’m out + about; I think a lot of that comes down to just how my mama raised me. Especially being bullied as a kid, I grew up knowing exactly what felt like sh*t (as I’m sure so many of us know too well – can ya relate?) – having no one want to talk to you (or sit with you at lunch), people intentionally avoiding you, a general lack of warmth/friendliness, yadda yadda yadda. In walking around in today’s world, I feel like we end up seeing the same kinda behavior…but oftentimes, it’s unintentional! We get sucked up in our own little worlds and forget little niceties, like holding the door or exchanging quick kind words with a stranger in line for Starbucks. And when the door slams in our face or someone forgets their manners, it can tooooootally impact our day (negatively) + make us feel worse about humanity. When it might very well have been waaaaay less dramatic and not at all on purpose! But if/when we get sucked up in our heads, we don’t come across as the most outgoing, which might be intepreted as “unfriendly” or “bitchy” to others in passing. When of course that’s not at all the truth!
In doing some research for this post (’cause gotta have some #facts to back it all up, ya feel?), I found this super interesting statistic: Out of 100 people, 7 suffer from social phobia, 17 have some kinda anxiety disorder, + 33 feel nervous in social situations. That’s over 50% of the population, yo! Of course, there might be some crossover in those stats, but nonetheless, the point is that if you feel like you could/should be more outgoing and/or get freaked out in bigger social settings, you are not alone.
Here are 12 ways to be a more outgoing person – tips/tricks that work for me + work for #science, to learn how to be more outgoing in time!
Original post: DISNEY DIARIES – #AdultsAtDisney
12 WAYS TO BECOME A MORE OUTGOING PERSON
First thing’s first – if you’re not already an outgoing person, becoming more outgoing will likely be a tad bit uncomfy. But that’s A-OK – nothing good blossoms in comfort zones. 😉
Be open to changes + new things, first + foremost. But also, be open to putting yourself out there. It’s a risk, and a scary one at that, for sooooo many of us. But to become more outgoing, it’s a risk we’ve just gotta take!
Figure out what fear you have going into a situation.
Are you afraid of awkwardness? Are you afraid of not having anything to say? Are you afraid of looking stupid in front of the office hottie, or afraid you’ll say something and he’ll just look at you blankly before walking away without a word? Oftentimes, we hold back out of fear. I know for me, the fear of rejection runs DEEP. Oftentimes, it’s not just that you’re simply not outgoing – it’s that there’s an underlying issue/thought/circumstance that’s inhibiting you, making your inner true self + outward self not necessarily match. Or it’s just makin’ ya feel more on the shy/reserved side! So knowing what’s holding you back is key.
Actions speak louder than words…so watch yo’ body language!
From a psychological perspective, outgoing-ness and confidence are nearly one and the same with regards to how others perceive you. Watch your posture, eye contact, the strength of your handshake – etc! Being confident in your body language communicates an openness to other people, which will come across as outgoing even when your body is the only thing doing the talking! 😉
Fake it ’til ya make it.
Acting self-confident might be a pre-cursor to actually feeling self-confident. And that’s OK! You’re not a fraud – you’re human. The key is to strike a healthy balance + recognize that we ALL have our stronger/weaker moments. Watching your body language is great practice here! Even if you feel like hiding in a closet, you can intentionally focus on standing up a little taller, looking people in the eye, + smiling like it’s going outta style.
Be outwardly kind for the sake of being kind.
Ya know how sometimes folks get a reputation for having “resting b*tch face” or seeming snobbish, and it might not actually be all that true? If you go out of your way to be really friggin’ kind to people, chances are, you’ll come across as – you guessed it! – a really friendly, nice, outgoing person! Being caring + positive are oftentimes interpreted as a more outgoing personality. When really, sometimes I think it’s just a reflection of the fact that too often in this world, people are the opposite. Try to check yourself as often as possible to make sure you’re radiating k-i-n-d-n-e-s-s. It counts. 🙂
Embrace the golden rule – treat others as you wish to be treated.
Showing interest in other people is HUGE here – we all want to be “seen” + “heard” in life so it matters! Especially if you’re practicing being more outgoing and not the most confident chica on the block (yet!), an easy thing to do here is to ask people to expand on whatever they just mentioned. Did they just say they’re taking a trip to Texas at the end of the month? Ask them what for, and what food they’re most excited about trying! Are they looking for a new job? Ask what they’re passionate about in life, and what they really want in a future job. Showing “liking” is a key proven way to come across as more outgoing – things like genuinely complimenting someone, being really warm + friendly (+ truthful!) when saying it was nice to meet someone, or that you hope to cross paths again.
Focus on the positives.
Outoing peeps are typically more positive peeps! If your layover flight is delayed and you’re with a buncha other delayed passengers, saying something like “UGH, I can’t believe it’s delayed – this is the worst day ever!” won’t make many friends. “I hope they at least detour to the beach – a quick pitstop to Hawaii won’t hurt anyone after this wait!” has a more positive vibe, might make someone chuckle in an otherwise sucky situation, AND could potentially open a conversational door to best beach vacations. The former comes across more Negative Nancy (everyone knows how sucky a delayed layover can be, AND a delay…no need to be the reminder!), while the latter comes across more glass-half-full.
Throw compliments like confetti.
Really! But the key: Genuine compliments. I know for me, getting a genuine compliment from a random stranger can literally turn my day around. It gives me a pep in my step, and oftentimes, it inspires me to pay it forward and compliment someone else! Personally, I’ll have days where I’m intentionally looking for things to compliment. Sometimes, it’s easy to get stuck in our own heads and/or think with a more judgmental lense instead of a lense looking to just uplift others for the sake of uplifting others. When I catch myself in this funk, time to switch it up – I’ll be out in the mall looking for the positives. The girl’s bag in front of you at Starbucks? The baristas cool haircut that really flatters her face? When you pay attention to the positives, it’s hard to NOT share them since it can really make someone’s day! If you’re looking to become more outgoing, this also works wonders since it’s just quick nicety in a pass-and-go setting. No pressure of sticking around or creating ongoing convo – just a quick little tidbit to be open + share something nice with a stranger!
Have 3-5 go-to Q’s on file in the back of your brain.
This addresses a fear head-on of not having anything to say, AND it keeps conversations interesting. Some personal favorites: What’s the best place to eat around here? What’s your secret talent or passion? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? Where would you love to travel to if you could pick up and leave tomorrow? The key to avoiding awkward convos is creating convos that don’t involve one word answers! There are only so many What do you do? Where are you from? dinners that we can all endure – ha! Think of a few things building off of that that might get some interesting stories in the mix, which will easily open the doors up for more conversation that YOU started! Building off of What do you do? is What do you like most about it versus what would you change if you could? and What inspires you the most? Building off of Where are you from? is What’s the best thing to eat there? Or if it’s a smaller town in the middle of nowhere, maybe What did y’all do for fun growing up?
Surround yourself with those who will lift you up – and inspire you along the way.
Your vibe attracts your tribe, as they say! 😉 And we become statistically like the 5 people we spend the most time with. Who’s in your circle now? #RealTalk…are they people who you WANT to be more like, or less? Life is short – spend time with people who do nothing but lift you up + make you a better person in the process. If you want to be more outgoing, intentionally spend more time with your most outgoing girlfriend. If you can, go out in PUBLIC with her more, to monkey-see-monkey-do how she interacts with strangers or new people. Chances are, you’ll pick up a few of her good habits along the way!
Push yourself – say yes to that invite.
If you’re like me, the second you feel meh about something or unsure about the crowd, you say no. If it’s a matter of being comfortable on a Friday night, safe at home with your own peeps and a good book, or having to go out to a new scene with newer people…sometimes it’s a no brainer. But on those nights when you feel yourself wavering and you KNOW it’s because you’re iffy on having to interact and be “on,” push yourself to say yes. Why the hell not? Nothing grows in comfort zones – if you’re ready + willing to up your outgoing factor, now’s your chance, girlfriend!
Give yourself grace.
We all make mistakes – and stepping out on a social limb can be HELLA scary sometimes. How to be more outgoing: refuse to let mishaps stop you.
Know that you can do hard things.
Give yourself grace knowing that you are not the only one to feel UNoutgoing, nor are you the only one to wanna try and change that, NOR are you the only one to have a few awkward flub ups along the way! You are not alone. You are never alone. Give yourself the grace to try, and give yourself the grace to keep going.
Are you already an outgoing person, or are these helpful tips for how to be MORE outgoing?
For whoever asked this Q on the survey, I hope this was helpful! 🙂 If you’ve got any tips slash tricks that work for you to be a more outgoing person, share ’em below!
P.S. Go kick Monday’s a double s.