This dose of Monday Mantra motivation has been brought to you by an inspirational chat with my momma, who is essentially my sage of wisdom besides being my blossoming photog, best friend, dressing room laughing buddy, and source for unparalleled homecooked meals. Coupled with the fact that I’ve seen so much on Pinterest lately about reactions, the following was inevitable.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” – Wayne Dyer

And then there’s:

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” – Epictetus

Great quotes, right?

I think so, too. Except for one tiny detail: we don’t always have to react. 

We can:

We’re such chickens when it comes to silence sometimes.

Instead, we speak quickly to cover it up and mask the quiet, because it’s uncomfortable and awkward. But that silent pause can be a blessing in disguise. Once words are spoken, there’s no getting them back – they’re out there. We need to be OK with silence and take the time to get words right…but that’s oh so tough when we’re constantly surrounded by and bombarded with all of the unstoppable noise of the now.

We need to pause to respond, not react.

I’m super bad at this still, because I run like the Energizer Bunny and gogogo too much of the time; I need to chill the heck out and take a breather to really think about next steps.

Pause to respond, not react.

The pause may vary in length, because sometimes we don’t have the luxury of extra time. Here, the key is control – self control. Because when you hang onto control of your thoughts and emotions, you have a better chance of responding instead of knee-jerking your way to a reaction. And let’s face it: often, those snap reactions are not always the wisest. They’re the ones that leave us feeling crappy about how we handled a given situation, and wishing we could take something back.

It’s almost like we make the decision or choice or comment even before our brains have had a chance to engage – let alone drink some coffee amiright? – and that’s not a setup for standout response.

Society pushes for speed. Whether it’s how much you squeeze in a day or your Wifi connection, just get it done fast. Sometimes, it’s speed > quality. Pausing to respond and not react might even be a bit counterintuitive to society’s current clock.

It feels unnatural and forced and risk averse and slow.

But oh, how it is important. This one habit is worth the time and worth the effort and worth the Mantra.

If you do find yourself #blessed with extra time before needing to respond, I’m always a fan of the good ol’ fashioned Pro vs. Con list. Whether you’re using pen and paper (my personal favorite), your computer, tablet, iPhone notes app, or some techy holographic list that’s yet to exist (four for you Glen Coco), the trick is to just quickly and freely write whatever comes to mind, even if that means sorting out the list later. After you’ve poured out all of your thoughts, you can ponder and reflect on what you wrote and come to a well-considered decision and response. No reaction necessary.

Really, reactions are never really necessary. Don’t feel like you have to respond or answer questions quickly unless the circumstances truly dictate that kind of urgency! In this society nowadays, we’re addicted to instant gratification. We need to feel like our messages and interactions, especially digitally, are being instantly received and instantly handled.

Don’t let others pressure you or make you feel guilty when you want and need (and deserve!) time to think for a hot sec. Just because someone asks doesn’t mean you have to answer immediately; saying, “I need time to think about this” is a perfectly valid (and encouraged!) response. This approach cultivates more respect all the way around – and we know what Aretha says about respect.

Reactions can be useful – even life saving! – when they happen at the right time. A reaction at the wrong time or place, though, could do the total opposite.

So my general rule of thumb nowadays:

Pause.

Respond.

(Not react).

What helps you remember to respond before reacting to potentially sticky situations?

I hope your week is full of well thought-out responses that bring you peace and help clear and focus your mind. I also hope your week is full of #winning.

Caffeinated Body Products from Posh

$50 for fall clothes shopping at Mikarose

$100 to Starbucks